I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
