piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
