Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
