i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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