...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
