I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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