Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Say something about gay babies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
