I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
