smell my finger.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
