did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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