I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
