A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
