He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
