I cannot find my penis.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
