I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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