He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are we still banned from the library?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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