My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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