well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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