That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
