Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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