Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
