Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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