i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
