The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
