yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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