I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
