also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
