I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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