I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
