But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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