Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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