the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
