Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
