Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
