you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cut my penus on the lid.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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