If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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