genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
