it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
