I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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