Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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