you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
