your thong is hanging out like whoa
I checked into jail on foursquare
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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