He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
