Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
