He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
