Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
