i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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