i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i now understand why vodka
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
