The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
