I'm going to jail i love you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
