I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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