i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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