You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
