FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
