I'm drive I can fine osifer
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The uberlube is also flammable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
