Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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