He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me