She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.