we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house