I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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