party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
