3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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