Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
