I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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