mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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