So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
