..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
