I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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