i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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