I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
