you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
