oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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