I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This girl is more easily done than said...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
